The Herald. Line: In dating, flattery actually gets you nowhere

By SCOTT SAALMAN

Six years back we logged much more years divorced than hitched. Somehow, the teeter-totter of the time tipped in that way.

How do this be? Sixteen years considering that the Big D? — the withdrawal for the wedding ring? Sixteen years, never remarried? — nowhere near. Jaded, maybe, about matrimony. We hesitate purchasing wedding gift ideas for newlyweds. I’m a believer in breakup gift suggestions; that is whenever one of many two events will actually need the toaster.

I’ve dated — but I’ve not dated a lot more than I have actually dated. Second times are difficult to come by — my true genius evidently goes underneath the radar with those people who have provided a restaurant beside me (we blame it regarding the awesome appetizers).

Never ever mind the date that is second. It’s the first date that’s the toughest to nail straight down, this despite having individually “flattered” many females within the previous 16 years. Flattered. There’s nothing I hate a lot more than hearing that word originate from feminine lips or seeing it typed by feminine flailing fiery hands.

Example. The oft-repeated situation:

Me personally: therefore, could you are taken by me down for supper?

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually expected me away —

Me personally (instinctively butting in to achieve a foothold): Great! I’ll pick you up at 6. Oh — and do you’ve got a passport.

Seems promising, appropriate? Au contraire mon ami (French concerning . well . one thing French), because of this girl has more to state about the subject.

Female: Scott, i will be flattered which you have actually asked me personally out, but .

Henceforth comes the dreaded big but. But? But exactly what? It does not matter. None of this addendums are to my benefit.

Precisely 100 % (but who’s counting?) for the ladies who stated these were “flattered” upon being asked down by me never wound up heading out beside me.

“Flattered” is the kiss of dating death. Ladies reading my terms now are knowingly nodding like bobble-heads on rate and most likely reasoning, “My Jesus, Scott cracked the code. He’s on to us. We are in need of a brand new term. Must send memo.”

My recommended replacement for flattered: sickened. “Scott, i will be sickened me out that you have asked.” Perfect. Why overcome round the bush before beating the person down?

We suspect women use “flattered” as a good option to set the stage for rejection, a humane method russiancupid to harm (in essence, making the woman feel much better concerning the turndown, perhaps perhaps maybe perhaps not the man), a softening associated with beaches ahead of the big blow to male ego, making some guy feeling like a turd in a tin glass.

An on-line woman that is dating came across did consent to fulfill for a glass or two. At our rendezvous, she informed me personally that she had invested the majority of that trip to the funeral house where her mom had been being shown — visiting hours weren’t also over yet — using the burial slated when it comes to day that is following. Deal breaker! Hey, I’m a guy that is sensitive however, if there’s something we can’t stay, it is a Debbie Downer type. With no, i did son’t ask if she required a romantic date when it comes to funeral (despite the fact that possibly she did). I’m maybe not that hopeless ( maybe perhaps maybe perhaps perhaps not beneath me to scan the obituaries for Fresh Widow Meat, which as my hero Dave Barry might point out, would be a great name for a rock band) that it’s.

I’ve learned a couple of other items about dating into the dark ages.

Never purchase your gf Mace. Used to do this when, focused on her safety whenever alone. Then, within a stroll, we advised we split up. Away came the Mace. The Mace hit my face. She clearly didn’t make the headlines in addition to I’d hoped. It absolutely wasn’t the eye burn that amazed me, it absolutely was the neck burn. The gagging. Most sensible thing though ended up being she sprayed from the wind, which suggested most of the spray went back to her eyes and neck. Therefore, together we gagged and cried, and someplace within the insanity that lovers share, I was thinking: she Maced me personally, she must love me personally. In hindsight, I’m pleased I didn’t purchase her a handgun.

In the event the date is excited to visit Barnes and Noble not to ever have a look at publications but to drive the escalator, this woman is 1) far too young for you personally (she had been fifteen years younger… but appropriate), or 2) she actually has to get free from Dubois County more. We lasted one day at Barnes and Noble (or 20 trips in the escalator).

Cross country dating works until it does not. On a few occasions, due to the joys of internet dating (which in Jasper means driving 2 to 3 hours for a night out together), we have actually driven really far for very very first times to simply hear my date let me know during the restaurant dining dining dining table that she is reallyn’t interested in pursuing a long-distance relationship ( not until after she finishes her steak, lobster and million buck martinis).

Attempting to make away for a very first date at a Weird Al concert is wrong on a lot of amounts. Guilty. No 2nd date.

Adequate on my guide to dating into the ages that are middle. I’m certain there’ll be much more to report through the trenches. I’m a hopeless intimate having a punching case heart. Now then, if i will just work out how never to flatter some body once I question them down.